The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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