I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
