I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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