Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
