My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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