wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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