i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
