Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
either way he was missing a nipple.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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