dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
