this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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