Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
