If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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