She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
