she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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