I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
