I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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