remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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