I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
