I feel great
I just peed on a car
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
