Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
