I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
