I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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