hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
