Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
