How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
