My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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