Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
