tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
