I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
