i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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