I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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