so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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