You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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