dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
