i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
