Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
