there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
