Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
