I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
