i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
