They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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