Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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