I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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