Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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