Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish I only lived at night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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