you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
