There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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