Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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