remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
