I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
