I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
