What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We were destined to go to rehab together
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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