just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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